hey

its been a really long time since I decided to actually log in to my blog and write something in it....

life is pretty fucked up as usual

but what surprises me is that how can something bad turn into something worse everyday?

and I am not even keen on finding a solution my all my troubles

I guess am just a fuck up.....

i fucked up everything........

Its All Gone Gray

With the pressure of the semester exams on my head all i needed was a comparison mom made of me with one her friends elder son.......

this really ticked me off so much

and today i was feeling this unknown rage inside pointed at at i dont know where....
it is really strange cos it felt that something from within was trying to break free..

am feeling really strange

"its a very strange world we live in"- The Joker (from Batman: The Dark Knight)
now this makes so much sense to me now

The World that made me what it hates...

Repeated abuses, salt on wounds and insults that make you remember about all the bad things you have done in your life made me what i am today, and made me feel all those unwanted and unnamed feelings that i feel.....

performance anxiety, low levels of self confidence, a constant loathing for being what i am, fear of things going wrong, fear of doing something that i will regret, the hate i feel for myself when i see at all those things that i could have done and achieved but i simply let those go down the drain....

i hate the times when people remind me of the times i was at my best and compare it to the me that i am now...cos honestly i hate what i have slowly turned out to be....
my days of glory are gone....

times go by and people change....i also changed with time...but i changed for the worse...

life has been a downward spiral for me after one moment of time with just a few good things in it now...my girl, my friends, my guitar, my music.....

the rest is just shitty and fucked up beyond anything....